Skinned Knees
The summer I learned to ride a bike was rough on my knees. Multiple bike wrecks meant multiple cuts and scraps on my knees. Scabs would form, only to be ripped off during the next wreck. Sometimes, I just used a leaf to wipe the blood and off I'd go. That "not-so-hygienic-practice" resulted in a few nasty infections. Thankfully, our bodies are made to heal and the only physical reminders of that summer are a few scars.
Abandonment is much like those skinned knees. Time heals that deep wound, but just when you least expect it, the scab is ripped off. Most of my childhood was spent in this cycle. On my 7th birthday, I watched my dad walk out the door. I don't remember much about my birthdays before or after that birthday, but remember every single detail of that evening like it was yesterday. The pink Huffy dirt bike, the cake and ice cream, my parents singing Happy Birthday.... and then he was gone. I only saw him a handful of times during my childhood and it always felt much like the scab coming off that skinned knee. But as with that skinned knee, the heart has a way of healing after time. I learned to expect less and accept whatever he had to offer. Does that make the disappointment easier when he makes promises that fall through even now? No. It really doesn't. I always think it shouldn't bother me, but those feelings of abandonment and the loss of a relationship that just will never be has left a scar.
This brings me to today...... our family's right here and now. Our daily dealings with our kids and their stories of abandonment. God has taught me so much about love and redemption through my story and theirs. He knew my life would prepare me to be their mama... He turned the ashes of abandonment into the beauty of adoption. Those nasty scabs healed into scars, a reminder that the heart can heal with His love. "A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5
Abandonment is much like those skinned knees. Time heals that deep wound, but just when you least expect it, the scab is ripped off. Most of my childhood was spent in this cycle. On my 7th birthday, I watched my dad walk out the door. I don't remember much about my birthdays before or after that birthday, but remember every single detail of that evening like it was yesterday. The pink Huffy dirt bike, the cake and ice cream, my parents singing Happy Birthday.... and then he was gone. I only saw him a handful of times during my childhood and it always felt much like the scab coming off that skinned knee. But as with that skinned knee, the heart has a way of healing after time. I learned to expect less and accept whatever he had to offer. Does that make the disappointment easier when he makes promises that fall through even now? No. It really doesn't. I always think it shouldn't bother me, but those feelings of abandonment and the loss of a relationship that just will never be has left a scar.
This brings me to today...... our family's right here and now. Our daily dealings with our kids and their stories of abandonment. God has taught me so much about love and redemption through my story and theirs. He knew my life would prepare me to be their mama... He turned the ashes of abandonment into the beauty of adoption. Those nasty scabs healed into scars, a reminder that the heart can heal with His love. "A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5
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